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Jazz

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[07 Jan 2010|08:55pm]

 this site put my emotions into a parcel tonight and flung them to the moon.  relief, no longer fragile.

it will be my main page  http://www.stereomood.com


my dad and I have never really bonded since I can remember.

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[01 Jan 2010|11:57pm]

as much as i'm enjoying being alone to discover who I am. I feel as though i am adapting to isolation like it's my drug.
knowing that if i leave this isolation or meditative state that i have somehow gone off the track. there must be some form of social activity that won't drive me away from my ultimate freedom. I am so certain that twothousandandten is my year, to love all of me and to allow myself to be open just enough to be loved without being hurt. i will focus on the moment and not the past or future but the present. lately i've been writing on paper. this year i'm going to be making video blogs that i'll post on youtube. is this farewell to livejournal? i think this is farewell to my past.
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[23 Aug 2009|11:13pm]
it's not that I don't feel, rather, I feel way too much. 
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[11 Aug 2009|10:15pm]

 

hey. I just wanted to say
that i missed things, stupid stuff. car stuff. i just... missed it.
remember that time in your car in that dead end street near my place?
not what we did, but what we were comfortable to have happen.                                                                                                                                          just missed being there and not minding if you felt or saw any part of me.

i'm not sure whether you read this or not? i'm scared that my heart won't let go of you completely. i'm scared that i won't feel the same toward anyone else, even though they feel something for me. i'm scared that i'll depend on the thrill rather than love. i'm scared. 




 

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[21 Jul 2009|10:51pm]
i'm not sure where to begin,  which photograph would most capture my life over the last year. it seems as though things that have had most significance in my life have become minor. For instance, after four years I decided to leave my workplace. Riding in cars with boys was only fun for a while, as soon as the heart is wounded it shifts and in that quiet moment to lock my heart away would be what feels right.

 “To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries, avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket; safe, dark, motionless, airless it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.” C.S Lewis.


 

i'm quite exhausted from today. 

i'll write more soon. 

oh. and it's my birthday tomorrow. (does anyone read this?)

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[30 Mar 2009|08:45pm]
Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.
Thou my best Thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

Be Thou my Wisdom, and Thou my true Word;
I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord;
Thou my great Father, I Thy true son;
Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.

Be Thou my battle Shield, Sword for the fight;
Be Thou my Dignity, Thou my Delight;
Thou my soul’s Shelter, Thou my high Tower:
Raise Thou me heavenward, O Power of my power.

Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise,
Thou mine Inheritance, now and always:
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of Heaven, my Treasure Thou art.

High King of Heaven, my victory won,
May I reach Heaven’s joys, O bright Heaven’s Sun!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all.
 
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[09 Mar 2009|04:48pm]

last night i put my heart on the line.
and now i am left with a bruised one.
 

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[07 Jan 2009|03:10pm]


lately i've been feeling overwhelmed with uncertainty.
i guess for some that is thrilling, the fact that they don't know what tomorrow may bring, i on the other hand am analyzing things over and over in my tired self. the most insignificant decision, i could ponder over for a while. sometimes when opportunities come our way, we should grab a hold of them and not let go. 


i i'm over waiting for my perfect person to come around
and i'm tired of all this mess in my head
just come take my hand and we'll runaway together somewhere far far away from here
we'll start the life i've only ever dreamed


a bungalow by the sea
you go there and i'll stay here you come home and be with me
we'll go for late night strolls and make out  in the rain
the thoughts in my mind are reality
we'll play hide and seek and you'll find me in the sheets


can't we just make this work
we can make no mistakes now that we're both here
i understand if this isn't real enough for you
but i wish you'd just ask me to love you


how did we get here; 
when i used to know you so well. 



can you hear me?


can you hear me? i'm self destructing here.






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[18 Nov 2008|03:22pm]
empty words.
empty heart.



when i first met you i knew you were the one
till you took me home and i met her
and i thought right then that you had everything

cause i know better not to be friends with boys with girlfriends
oh i know better than that i know better
you play the victim and i'll be the bad guy
i know better than that, i know better

we started hanging around after nine
i could've sworn that i was yours
you looked at me and said
its a little too late for bed
we went to a hotel and
talked about everything


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[09 Apr 2008|09:41pm]


have you ever looked at a picture of yourself and seen a stranger in the background?
it makes you wonder how many strangers have a photo of you.
how many moments of other peoples lives have we been in?
are we part of someones life when their dreams come true?
or were we there when their dreams died.
did we keep trying to get in, as if we were somehow destined to be there?
just think, you’d be a big part of someone else’s life
...and not even know it
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[03 Mar 2008|02:56am]









i'll sing it one last time for you
then we really have to go
you've been the only thing that's right
in all i've done

and I can barely look at you
but every single time I do
i know we'll make it anywhere
away from here

light up, light up
as if you have a choice
even if you cannot hear my voice
i'll be right beside you dear

louder louder
and we'll run for our lives
i can hardly speak I understand
why you can't raise your voice to say

to think I might not see those eyes
makes it so hard not to cry
and as we say our long goodbye
i nearly do


slower slower
we don't have time for that
all I want is to find an easier way
to get out of our little heads

have heart my dear
we're bound to be afraid
even if it's just for a few days
making up for all this mess
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[01 Feb 2008|04:58am]
i can feel again.
like this is the first day of my life.

[29 Jan 2008|11:38pm]
tonight will be etched in my memory forever.
our words exchanged.
the way you made me feel for the first time in my life where i felt every
emotion under that starry sky and burst into tears.
you're letting me do this on my own.
i had to let go.
i never meant to hurt you or say such harsh words.
i was too shaken up.
so we went to the headland and faced each other.
if you only knew how i can't string words together very well.

eye to eye
heart to heart
soul to soul

string your days together.
make your own choices.
would you date yourself?
do you love who you are?
do you think the guy who wants you would be your crutch?
i'm not your crutch.
i did this because i care for you.
this night won't affect our friendship.
he held me.

thank you for who you are to me, i'm giving you the respect you deserve.

love me

[23 Jan 2008|01:29am]




when the storm is raging all around me
you are the peace that calms
my troubled sea
and when the cares of this world
darken my day
you are the light that shines
and shows me the way

oh, the beauty of your majesty
on the cross you showed your love for me.

Beautiful Lord
awesome and mighty
im captured by this love I see
Beautiful Lord
tender and holy
your mercy brings me to my knees
it’s your mercy that has made me free
Beautiful Lord

when my sin is all that I can see
your grace remains the shelter that I seek
and when my weakness is all I can give
your gentle spirit gives me strength again
and oh, the beauty of your majesty
on the cross you showed your love for me

and I am lifted by your love to sing
it’s your mercy that has made me free

you’re beautiful, my Lord
you’re beautiful, my Lord
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[07 Jan 2008|02:14pm]
quality time. 11
words of affirmation. 8
physical touch. 7




just thought you'd like to know.
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[10 Dec 2007|09:33pm]


you make me feel so free.
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[09 Oct 2007|08:58pm]
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          



i really wish things weren't complicated. they so are.

"do you love me or do you hate me?"

i love you sam.
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[22 Sep 2007|10:40am]



"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

 All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. Only let us live up to what we have already attained.

 Join with others in following my example, brothers, and take note of those who live according to the pattern we gave you. For, as I have often told you before and now say again even with tears, many live as enemies of the cross of Christ. Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is on earthly things. But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body." philippians 3:12-21


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[18 Sep 2007|08:57pm]


i feel fragile. help?
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[25 Jun 2007|11:57pm]


the seasons are changing twice as fast.
i'm twice as old now.
my friends, some would never last
some i hold on to

don't forget, don't forget, will this matter when you're dead.

today was heavy.
i wanted to be held.
you were nowhere in sight.
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